A Story About A Unicorn

This is the second part of my post from my previous blog and it simply must accompany the post before it.  Without further ado, I give you the "conclusion post" if you will.  I call it, "A Story About A Unicorn."

In my last post, I did a lot of talking about animals:  I touched on horses, donkeys, and finally, the ever-elusive unicorn.  I'd like to delve a little deeper into this topic, and so today, I bring you a story about a unicorn.

Let's start from the very beginning.  As you all know, I was rocked by a series of changes in my life several months ago that had me feeling like life was completely spiraling out of control.  For those of you who actually know me, or I guess everyone who reads this blog, you know that I am a control freak to beat all control freaks most of the time.  Clearly, this was a major problem.

Very soon after the first change in my life, I was approached by someone who I considered to be a friend.  While we probably were more like acquaintances in regards to how well we knew each other, we got along  well and I had come to adore his wife in the few times that I'd met her.  This friend informed me that he had a friend I needed to meet.  Well, as nice as that gesture was, and as much as I sincerely appreciated it, I was clearly not in that frame of mind.  Moving on....

After time passed, and I was ribbed by pretty much everyone to "get back in the saddle" and get out there, I started dating. I'd been out of the game for more than six years.  The last time I had been on a first date, I was nineteen years old, and I was a completely different person.  Enter some of the strongest fear and most active nerves I'd ever experienced.

I had first dates with some great horses, and even some second and third dates.  I had first dates with a couple donkeys and, needless to say, they didn't go anywhere.  I was starting to get the hang of this dating adventure, but that was also coupled with the thoughts of, "I can't believe I have to do this all over again."  It was weird answering the same questions over and over again when you were used to being with someone who already knew all the answers. 

This dating thing was work, I tell you!  Not only was it emotionally draining, but I found that my regular routine for my life suffered because I was running out of time to do things. It was exhausting and to be honest, more than once, I wondered how people serially date in this day and age.

I don't take this part of my life for granted though, because I really believe I needed to experience that fear and that nervousness about not knowing what was going to happen.  The control freak in me needed a reality check, and I'm pretty sure this counted.  I needed to know that people plan and God laughs, and that if I don't know exactly where I'm going or what activities are going to be done, or what outfit is appropriate, or if I will be liked, I'm not going to die.  I actually will be able to still exist in the world and breathe just like I did before.  Dating like that really opened my eyes to a lot about life, people, relationships, and most importantly...myself.

So, I know you're probably thinking, "This is grand and all but I only read this post because I like unicorns, and so far you've failed to mention any."  Well, remember that friend I was talking about earlier who had someone I just needed to meet?  Throughout this dating I was doing, he popped back up and suggested multiple times that we make this meeting happen, and after stalling and stalling - finally, I decided to jump.  The dating of other people gave me the tiniest bit of confidence to put myself back out there.

We decided to have a double date/blind date.  My friend, his wife, and this friend I needed to meet would meet me at a restaurant and we'd have dinner, and then we'd go play mini golf to give us plenty of time to talk.  This was the first blind date of my life.  All I knew was this guy's first name, and that he couldn't have a facebook because of his job.  I was also told that we should meet during the week because it was better for his work schedule.  I honestly thought I was going to throw up or have a heart attack.  I wasn't sure which, but in my eyes, neither is favorable.

I tried on at least 12 outfits the night before and finally settled on a simple black dress that could be dressed up or down.  I accessorized with silver jewelry and flip flops (because I had no idea if he would be tall or not, and a girl has to consider these things). I got in the car that night and panic immediately ensued. I literally thought my heart would beat out of my chest or that I would pass out - I don't know what I was worried about.  Who wouldn't be interested in a girl that passes out as soon as she sees you?  I know, right?

I had fleeting thoughts of the blind date horror stories I'd been told by my friends and colleagues as I walked into the restaurant.  I opened the door, and there they were - and HELLO, HE WAS GORGEOUS!  Then, he smiled, and he was even more gorgeous, and I really thought passing out might happen at any moment.  He had a strong handshake, and we were seated soon after.  The boys sat across from the girls, and I hid my shaking hands in my lap. {Sidenote: Why did no one tell me how scary this was?!?!}

As an ice breaker, I said, "So here's what I know:  Your name is Dusty* and you can't have facebook because of your job.  What's your last name and what do you do?" He laughed and answered my questions, and I was extremely pleasantly surprised to learn that he had a real grownup job with social media policies! (Much better than the part-time college student or bartender I had in mind, not that there's necessarily anything wrong with either of those).

As the date went on, stories were told, questions were asked and answered, mini golf was played, and laughs were had by all.  I could not believe how easy this had come to be, and I was so excited!  Needless to say, I think my friend was right - I needed to meet Dusty.  I needed to meet a good man who knew how to treat a lady - how to respect her, how to make her smile, and especially, how to make her feel like she was different than anyone else.

I can't say that the journey from the first date was easy for Dusty - it took me quite a while to really open up to the thought of being monogamous again.  I'd been burned and I wasn't sure it was really worth it.  To put it mildly, he'd had more time to become open to the idea than I had, and even though I didn't really realize it, some part of me tried to push him away multiple times because, let's face it - I was scared to death.

Despite all the opportunities he probably should have thought that I was more trouble than I was worth, Dusty never cut and run.  He continued to treat me the way he believed a lady should be treated - opening every single door every single time, taking me out to dinner, surprising me with flowers (he genuinely is a flower-delivering ninja), etc. An example of the level of thoughtfulness he showed me that is as fresh in my mind today as it was when it happened:  he planned a picnic beside a small waterfall and had made chicken salad sandwiches.  Because he wasn't sure if I'd like the way he'd made the chicken salad (he'd picked up on my particular nature regarding food), he had prepared a second sandwich for me (a peanut butter and jelly sandwich fixed just the way I do it) as a backup.  Let's all say it together now, "Awwwww!"  He even had bought the battery-operated tealight candles from Michael's so he could treat me to a candlelit meal!

Due to my fears, I still had walls up and kept a cautious distance, and while he chided me about it, he never pushed me in any way.  He just continued behaviors like I just shared with you.  I thought there was some magic time frame that had to go by before I could move on.  I never expected to meet someone so great so quickly. Would my friends that had known me as part of the last couplehood accept someone else in that role? Everything was an excuse, and finally, with a little help from close friends, it dawned on me that I was being ridiculous.

Here's the giant life-changing discovery:  If I had a daughter, I would tell her to wait for a man that treated her just like Dusty had been treating me.  If I felt that strongly about it, why would I pass up the opportunity to have a man like that?  Why didn't I deserve the same thing?

Guess what?  I do deserve the same thing.  Every girl deserves to be treated this way, and God in Heaven, I hope each and every one of you find it!  It's amazing what it can do for your state of mind to be blissfully happy.  The next logical step for me was to follow the sage advice of one of my coworkers: "Girl, lock him down and lock him down NOW!" That's what I did and I'm ecstatic to report that things have been smooth sailing ever since.  I'm not saying it's cotton candy and snow cones every single minute, but it's pretty doggone awesome!

I know you all want to see pictures of Dusty, and I would love to show them to you...in the next post! 

HA!  You didn't actually think I'd be mean enough to leave you hanging like that, did you?  This isn't American Idol and I'm not Ryan Seacrest, y'all!  Without further ado....

I believe this is the first picture we have together!

We both really love fall, and nothing says fall like the pumpkin patch!

This was our first Christmas (2010) and our perfect tree!

Obviously, I've had a pretty dramatic hair change, but Dusty loves it red!

Bottom line:  Wait for a man to treat you the way you deserve.  Respect yourself enough to know what that actually means.  And by golly, when you find him, be open to receiving such a gift from God!
Ribs

Stories From The Past

In order to bring us to the present, I must begin in the past.  This was a very popular post on my previous blog, and because I felt it so relative to love and my life in present day, it will be reposted here....as the very first post in this blog.

This is a little story that I will be retelling later in life if I'm blessed enough to have daughters one day.  I hope you enjoy the madness that is my mind.  Let's get started!

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 ...in a land far, far away, there lived a man who loved to tell the most fantastical stories.  He especially loved to tell tales of the fairy variety that excited every little girl in the land!  Princesses, castles, and princes, OH MY!  Who was this magical man?

WALT DISNEY!!!!

This man helped me to formulate what I now call the unicorn theory when I was just a wee Chicken Wing.  His colorful stories told me that I should wait for a unicorn (he called them Prince Charming in his tales) and never settle for less because, "dreams can come true" (as he had one of his communication directors, Cinderella, inform me).

So, Mr. Disney constantly showed me pictures of unicorns, and on screen, I witnessed average girls like myself meet these incredible unicorns and live happily ever after.  I knew it was possible, and it was something I wanted out of life!  Thank you, Walt, for helping me realize a dream!

Then, I grew up.

While I still wanted to believe that unicorns existed, real life experiences were clouding the waters for me.  Whether it was happening directly to me, or to friends or family members, most of the girls I knew were ending up with types like these:

The horse.

The horse.  While not necessarily a bad type, the horse can be fickle and/or ordinary.  He is inconsistent with his affections and while the relationship with a horse can be good, it's never really great.  You can sincerely love a horse, but you usually find that something is missing.  You then have to choose whether you want to tough it out or keep looking.

The donkey.

The donkey.  Usually very cute, usually also an ass.  (Har-dee-har-har!)  We'll toss the liars, cheaters, and all-around bad guys in this group (and I truthfully hate to do that to the cute picture of the donkey above).  But that's how they get you - you hate to hate them.  They treat you rotten, and you love them anyways.  Luckily for me, I got out of my donkey-dating stage years ago and never looked back.

So, I was bombarded by real life examples that made me feel like maybe unicorns didn't exist after all.  As I grew ever older, I was even told that by cynical women who'd been done wrong.  "Get your head out of the clouds, girl," they said.  "If you want to be happy in life, adjust your expectations because unicorns don't exist.  Those Disney fairy tales really do a disservice to girls because it skews their expectations to something unattainable.  Go find yourself a good horse and learn to be satisfied with that."

That was discouraging. 

Then, you'd meet someone who had a fantastic relationship that had, say, sustained 20+ years.  They'd tell you stories about the sweet things their unicorn had done for them, and why they were so lucky to have one.  They'd tell you to hold out until you found a unicorn - you know, that special someone that treats you the way you truly deserve.  Mind you, they couldn't point out any unicorns for you, but they told you to keep a look out.

That was frustrating.

So, to recap:  You believe in unicorns even though you've never seen one.  Then, you realize you're only dating horses and donkeys.  Then, you're told to settle for a good horse.  Then, you see someone who has a unicorn (you get insanely jealous), and you're told to wait for the unicorn.  (And people wonder why dating is so difficult and confusing).

Then, a relationship with what you thought was a good horse ends, and you're moseying along throughout the fields they call life for awhile.  A few months go by, and you get set up on a blind date way out in the field.  You show up, see this date and BAM! 

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Umm, what the heck is that horse doing
with a horn on its forehead?!?!?!?!

You can't quite believe it, so you inch over very cautiously to take a closer look.  You decide that it does, in fact, look like a unicorn.  But, you're skeptical because let's face it -  you've never seen an available unicorn in your life!  It couldn't be true.

So you try your best to listen to what this "horse-in-unicorn's-clothing" has to say.  You go on more dates with him.  You still don't let your guard down because of all the failed horse and donkey relationships before. This cycle continues, and while he could have cut and run because you were so hesitant that you seemed like a lost cause, he doesn't.  Instead, he continues to show you that he is a unicorn.  He continues to treat you like a piece of treasure that he wants to keep and protect.

At this point, you have two options.  The first is to either deliberately or subconsciously be destructive to this new and wonderful situation you're in because you're too afraid of letting something good happen to you.  The second is to just accept that you've found a unicorn, throw a lasso around him, and put him in your yard so some other girl doesn't get him! 

Guess which option I chose.
Ribs