Today I'm Thankful For...

Word.

Well, we can start with the obvious, right?  :)  I am happy it's Friday.  For one, it's been a very good week at work, and I've found that this week absolutely FLEW by!  It sure was busy, but I still can't believe July is half-way over!

I'm also thankful for a little journey I'll be making tomorrow.  Where am I going?  South (of course).  In just a few short weeks, one of the ladies I love in my life will be making her way down the aisle to marry the love of her life!  I'm so honored that she chose me to stand beside her on her wedding day, and of course, I chose her to stand beside me on mine!

I LOVE HER!

NO, REALLY!  I DO!

Mere is one of the best people in the universe!  She's a Southern darling and she perfectly embodies the spirit of the South - she's kind, has that adorable Southern drawl, and she always knows how to make me laugh!  She is an insanely good compliment giver, and she typically blushes and says, "Awwwww!" when you try to give her one!  I'm so happy that she found the love of her life, and that is certainly something to celebrate, so I am making the journey to her sister's house for her bachelorette celebration!  I'm excited to meet some of the other bridesmaids that I haven't had the pleasure of meeting, and it will be good to see Mere again, too - heck, I haven't gotten to see her since our wedding!!!!  That's just crazy talk!

This was us at my bachelorette celebration!  So fun!

I am excited to celebrate this special time in her life, and I can only hope and pray that she and her future hubby are as blessed as Dusty and I have been!  I can't promise that things will always go their way, but I can promise to always be there for them and to uplift and encourage them in their walk in marriage!  I love that she has always been there for me...there has never been a time too bad where she didn't send me love and encouragement! She is a true friend, and I am so happy for her!  I'll be sure to update after I return home, and then before too long, it will be her BIG DAY!

So,  here's to all of you!  May you have a safe, fun, and happy weekend!  TGIF!!!!
Ribs

10 Relationship Do's

1. Respect your partner.

Respect takes a lifetime to gain and a second to lose. It's important that you think about what's great in your partner - what makes you proud of him/her? What makes you proud that he/she picked you?

2. Be someone your partner can respect.

If you want to be treated like a child, act like a child. If you want your partner to be proud to be with you, be a living example of that type of person. Act like a lady or a gentleman. Be kind to other people. Take the high road when others upset you. Be the type of person that others can look up to.

3. Be honest.

Even "truth hurts" brutal honesty is better than no honesty at all. There are few things that hurt worse than a lie or omission, and you should be able to trust your partner to be able to handle the truth. The truth always comes out one way or another, so you want to be on the right side of that truth.

4. Be faithful.

Faithfulness is a touchy subject. I think in most cases, there are trust and respect issues where cheating is involved. I've been in situations times before where I could genuinely understand why people cheat. (Reference the 80/20 rule clip in the last post). The bottom line is this - cheating is taking the easy way out. If you don't communicate that something is missing and that you're having a hard time with temptation, your partner never has a chance to fix the problems. You're beating yourself before you even begin.

5. Make fun a priority.

Let's be honest - life is hard. It's hard to be light and cheery all the time when gas prices are about to hit $4.00 per gallon and everyone is suffering financially and the kids/pets are driving you crazy and you're always pulled in a million directions. It can be overwhelming, that's for sure. It is your responsibility, though, to stop the world for a minute and schedule some fun time for you and your partner. Reconnect, laugh, and be silly. If you don't, you're going under. Or you're destined to be miserable for the rest of your life, and that sounds about as fun as swimming in the ocean in a steak bikini.

6. Communicate often and thoroughly.

Communication has always been pretty easy for me - heck, I'm a talker to beat all talkers who was born to a talker who beats all talkers. Sometimes, though, communication is hard. Sometimes, there are things that need to be said that you don't want to say. Say them. Nothing can help your partner get a better insight into who you are and how you think than you telling them. Take the guesswork out. If you want something, say you want something. If you are unhappy with how a situation was handled, talk it out. If you are not having fun at the moment and you feel like you need to have fun, say so. I hate to be the bearer of devastating news, but men and women don't think the same. They also don't communicate the same. The sooner you realize that, the better it will be for everyone involved.  Oh, and don't forget that listening is one-half of communicating.

7. Be open-minded.

There have been several times in my relationship where I've been introduced to new things.  Dusty has multiple interests that are the same as mine.  He also has multiple interests that I either a) knew absolutely nothing about or b) thought I wasn't cut out for (read: had no interest in at all).  I've learned through my relationship with him that by being open-minded to new experiences and ideas, I've become so much more well-rounded!  I now like new foods that I'd never tried before, and I've attempted to do things I never really wanted to do before.  Take camping - I always said it wasn't for me.  Dusty asked nicely (and purchased all of the things we'd need, therefore making it impossible for me to say no), and I loved it!  I now want to camp at least once every year! 

8.  Compromise.

Wow, this is so important.  I actually don't like the word compromise as much (because so many people use it with a negative undertone), so Dusty and I take a different approach.  We call it "The Game Plan."  We lay out our options on the table and then pick and choose what we think will be best and we listen to one another's sides.  From there, we make our game plan, and the trick to this is to stick to the game plan.  For example, if we have an event that one of us really wants to go to, and the other has to be up to work early the next morning, we devise a plan that will satisfy both of us, and then we stick to the plan - no exceptions.  That makes it a win-win for everyone, we decided in advance, and we communicated the entire time.  Talk about teamwork!

9.  Make sure your partner knows how much you love him/her.

It really does not take more than a few seconds to look your partner in the eye and say, "I love you."  It also doesn't take more than a few minutes to write a cute note, make a Valentine, construct a text message or email, or leave a voicemail.  There are so many opportunities to make your partner feel loved and appreciated.  Make him/her dinner one night.  Or, if your partner makes you dinner, clean up without discussion. Kiss them a lot.  Hug them a lot. Have a dance-off.  Watch their favorite show with them.  Plan a date night.  Go for a walk and hold hands.  Have a picnic (in the park or on the living room floor). Give him/her a massage.  Heck, buy him/her a massage.  I happen to be married to a flower ninja, myself, and that works for me!


Literally on my windshield when I walked outside my house one morning.  Love that man!

 10.  Participate presently.

This one is huge.  What I mean by this is be present in your relationship.  Don't put things off for tomorrow - none of us are promised that, anyways.  Don't say, "I'll make time for this later."  Also, just remember one of the fundamentals - participate.  There is nothing worse than a one-sided relationship in which one person does all of the work and all of the trying.  It is so un-fulfilling and unhealthy.  Resentment and disappointment are two words that are detrimental to any relationship, so head them off by participating and pulling your own weight.  If you notice that it's been awhile since you've done something nice for your partner, step it up. 

Another facet of participating is to be dependable - be there when your partner needs you. If they call, answer the phone if you can.  If you are supposed to be somewhere at a certain time, be there.  If you've told your partner that you will do something, do it.  Meet deadlines if there are any.  This feeds the trust that is necessary in all relationships.  Don't get into a rut where you're constantly being asked to do things.  If that's happening, it could be one of two things.  Either your partner is going through a needy spell, or you're severely dragging.  Either way, it needs to be addressed, and you can look back up to #6 for tips on that.  The bottom line is that ALL relationships take work, and it takes work from both parties involved.  Participating means you're doing the work, and that is more than half the battle. 

*Footnote:  Again, I am not a therapist. I'm actually not qualified to give relationship advice to anyone, but I get asked relationship questions all the time and decided to provide my opinion.  Just wanted to throw that disclaimer out there!  I also don't claim to be good at all of these things.  In fact, some of these tips I learned the hard way - I was the one who wasn't living up to my potential.  Others were things I wish had been done for me in relationships.  That's why they say relationships take work and you learn something new every day.

Up next:  10 Relationship Don't's.
Ribs

Let's Talk About Relationships

I've decided to create a small blog series about romantic relationships. Lord knows I've learned a ton about relationships through the years, and I have only been married less than one year! There are so many variables when it comes to relationships and I have a hard time stifling my uncontrollable laughter whenever I hear someone say, "You'll know you've met the one when everything is easy." Yeah, okay. My advice to you, friend?

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Sure, things can flow very smoothly, and you may find someone that you're exceptionally compatible with.  There's still what is called the 80/20 rule.  Never heard of it?  Allow my good friend Tyler Perry to explain it to you through his sensational film, "Why Did I Get Married?"

Basically, keeping the 80/20 rule in mind, you're going to continually be faced with choices in your relationships. Times will get hard, and you will never get 100% of what you need. That's why no one has the perfect relationship.

I actually was in a public place the other night and heard a couple in a drag-down, knock-out fight. I mean, they were really going at it. The man in the relationship was being extremely sarcastic and short. The woman in the relationship was so demeaning, loud, and rude. Ultimately, they were airing their dirty laundry IN PUBLIC and all that was successfully happening was that they were feeding off of each other's meanness to see who could verbally hit the hardest.

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That horrific scene caused me to think about relationships and the lessons I've learned throughout the years, and I thought I'd share two posts with you - the first post is about relationship do's. The second is about relationship don't's.  Keep in mind, these are not scientific.  I am not a therapist nor an expert.  These are just some lessons I've learned or things I've learned to be true along the way. I'd also love to hear any insights that you all  have to offer!  The more we share with one another, the better we all will be!
Ribs

A Story About A Unicorn

This is the second part of my post from my previous blog and it simply must accompany the post before it.  Without further ado, I give you the "conclusion post" if you will.  I call it, "A Story About A Unicorn."

In my last post, I did a lot of talking about animals:  I touched on horses, donkeys, and finally, the ever-elusive unicorn.  I'd like to delve a little deeper into this topic, and so today, I bring you a story about a unicorn.

Let's start from the very beginning.  As you all know, I was rocked by a series of changes in my life several months ago that had me feeling like life was completely spiraling out of control.  For those of you who actually know me, or I guess everyone who reads this blog, you know that I am a control freak to beat all control freaks most of the time.  Clearly, this was a major problem.

Very soon after the first change in my life, I was approached by someone who I considered to be a friend.  While we probably were more like acquaintances in regards to how well we knew each other, we got along  well and I had come to adore his wife in the few times that I'd met her.  This friend informed me that he had a friend I needed to meet.  Well, as nice as that gesture was, and as much as I sincerely appreciated it, I was clearly not in that frame of mind.  Moving on....

After time passed, and I was ribbed by pretty much everyone to "get back in the saddle" and get out there, I started dating. I'd been out of the game for more than six years.  The last time I had been on a first date, I was nineteen years old, and I was a completely different person.  Enter some of the strongest fear and most active nerves I'd ever experienced.

I had first dates with some great horses, and even some second and third dates.  I had first dates with a couple donkeys and, needless to say, they didn't go anywhere.  I was starting to get the hang of this dating adventure, but that was also coupled with the thoughts of, "I can't believe I have to do this all over again."  It was weird answering the same questions over and over again when you were used to being with someone who already knew all the answers. 

This dating thing was work, I tell you!  Not only was it emotionally draining, but I found that my regular routine for my life suffered because I was running out of time to do things. It was exhausting and to be honest, more than once, I wondered how people serially date in this day and age.

I don't take this part of my life for granted though, because I really believe I needed to experience that fear and that nervousness about not knowing what was going to happen.  The control freak in me needed a reality check, and I'm pretty sure this counted.  I needed to know that people plan and God laughs, and that if I don't know exactly where I'm going or what activities are going to be done, or what outfit is appropriate, or if I will be liked, I'm not going to die.  I actually will be able to still exist in the world and breathe just like I did before.  Dating like that really opened my eyes to a lot about life, people, relationships, and most importantly...myself.

So, I know you're probably thinking, "This is grand and all but I only read this post because I like unicorns, and so far you've failed to mention any."  Well, remember that friend I was talking about earlier who had someone I just needed to meet?  Throughout this dating I was doing, he popped back up and suggested multiple times that we make this meeting happen, and after stalling and stalling - finally, I decided to jump.  The dating of other people gave me the tiniest bit of confidence to put myself back out there.

We decided to have a double date/blind date.  My friend, his wife, and this friend I needed to meet would meet me at a restaurant and we'd have dinner, and then we'd go play mini golf to give us plenty of time to talk.  This was the first blind date of my life.  All I knew was this guy's first name, and that he couldn't have a facebook because of his job.  I was also told that we should meet during the week because it was better for his work schedule.  I honestly thought I was going to throw up or have a heart attack.  I wasn't sure which, but in my eyes, neither is favorable.

I tried on at least 12 outfits the night before and finally settled on a simple black dress that could be dressed up or down.  I accessorized with silver jewelry and flip flops (because I had no idea if he would be tall or not, and a girl has to consider these things). I got in the car that night and panic immediately ensued. I literally thought my heart would beat out of my chest or that I would pass out - I don't know what I was worried about.  Who wouldn't be interested in a girl that passes out as soon as she sees you?  I know, right?

I had fleeting thoughts of the blind date horror stories I'd been told by my friends and colleagues as I walked into the restaurant.  I opened the door, and there they were - and HELLO, HE WAS GORGEOUS!  Then, he smiled, and he was even more gorgeous, and I really thought passing out might happen at any moment.  He had a strong handshake, and we were seated soon after.  The boys sat across from the girls, and I hid my shaking hands in my lap. {Sidenote: Why did no one tell me how scary this was?!?!}

As an ice breaker, I said, "So here's what I know:  Your name is Dusty* and you can't have facebook because of your job.  What's your last name and what do you do?" He laughed and answered my questions, and I was extremely pleasantly surprised to learn that he had a real grownup job with social media policies! (Much better than the part-time college student or bartender I had in mind, not that there's necessarily anything wrong with either of those).

As the date went on, stories were told, questions were asked and answered, mini golf was played, and laughs were had by all.  I could not believe how easy this had come to be, and I was so excited!  Needless to say, I think my friend was right - I needed to meet Dusty.  I needed to meet a good man who knew how to treat a lady - how to respect her, how to make her smile, and especially, how to make her feel like she was different than anyone else.

I can't say that the journey from the first date was easy for Dusty - it took me quite a while to really open up to the thought of being monogamous again.  I'd been burned and I wasn't sure it was really worth it.  To put it mildly, he'd had more time to become open to the idea than I had, and even though I didn't really realize it, some part of me tried to push him away multiple times because, let's face it - I was scared to death.

Despite all the opportunities he probably should have thought that I was more trouble than I was worth, Dusty never cut and run.  He continued to treat me the way he believed a lady should be treated - opening every single door every single time, taking me out to dinner, surprising me with flowers (he genuinely is a flower-delivering ninja), etc. An example of the level of thoughtfulness he showed me that is as fresh in my mind today as it was when it happened:  he planned a picnic beside a small waterfall and had made chicken salad sandwiches.  Because he wasn't sure if I'd like the way he'd made the chicken salad (he'd picked up on my particular nature regarding food), he had prepared a second sandwich for me (a peanut butter and jelly sandwich fixed just the way I do it) as a backup.  Let's all say it together now, "Awwwww!"  He even had bought the battery-operated tealight candles from Michael's so he could treat me to a candlelit meal!

Due to my fears, I still had walls up and kept a cautious distance, and while he chided me about it, he never pushed me in any way.  He just continued behaviors like I just shared with you.  I thought there was some magic time frame that had to go by before I could move on.  I never expected to meet someone so great so quickly. Would my friends that had known me as part of the last couplehood accept someone else in that role? Everything was an excuse, and finally, with a little help from close friends, it dawned on me that I was being ridiculous.

Here's the giant life-changing discovery:  If I had a daughter, I would tell her to wait for a man that treated her just like Dusty had been treating me.  If I felt that strongly about it, why would I pass up the opportunity to have a man like that?  Why didn't I deserve the same thing?

Guess what?  I do deserve the same thing.  Every girl deserves to be treated this way, and God in Heaven, I hope each and every one of you find it!  It's amazing what it can do for your state of mind to be blissfully happy.  The next logical step for me was to follow the sage advice of one of my coworkers: "Girl, lock him down and lock him down NOW!" That's what I did and I'm ecstatic to report that things have been smooth sailing ever since.  I'm not saying it's cotton candy and snow cones every single minute, but it's pretty doggone awesome!

I know you all want to see pictures of Dusty, and I would love to show them to you...in the next post! 

HA!  You didn't actually think I'd be mean enough to leave you hanging like that, did you?  This isn't American Idol and I'm not Ryan Seacrest, y'all!  Without further ado....

I believe this is the first picture we have together!

We both really love fall, and nothing says fall like the pumpkin patch!

This was our first Christmas (2010) and our perfect tree!

Obviously, I've had a pretty dramatic hair change, but Dusty loves it red!

Bottom line:  Wait for a man to treat you the way you deserve.  Respect yourself enough to know what that actually means.  And by golly, when you find him, be open to receiving such a gift from God!
Ribs

Stories From The Past

In order to bring us to the present, I must begin in the past.  This was a very popular post on my previous blog, and because I felt it so relative to love and my life in present day, it will be reposted here....as the very first post in this blog.

This is a little story that I will be retelling later in life if I'm blessed enough to have daughters one day.  I hope you enjoy the madness that is my mind.  Let's get started!

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 ...in a land far, far away, there lived a man who loved to tell the most fantastical stories.  He especially loved to tell tales of the fairy variety that excited every little girl in the land!  Princesses, castles, and princes, OH MY!  Who was this magical man?

WALT DISNEY!!!!

This man helped me to formulate what I now call the unicorn theory when I was just a wee Chicken Wing.  His colorful stories told me that I should wait for a unicorn (he called them Prince Charming in his tales) and never settle for less because, "dreams can come true" (as he had one of his communication directors, Cinderella, inform me).

So, Mr. Disney constantly showed me pictures of unicorns, and on screen, I witnessed average girls like myself meet these incredible unicorns and live happily ever after.  I knew it was possible, and it was something I wanted out of life!  Thank you, Walt, for helping me realize a dream!

Then, I grew up.

While I still wanted to believe that unicorns existed, real life experiences were clouding the waters for me.  Whether it was happening directly to me, or to friends or family members, most of the girls I knew were ending up with types like these:

The horse.

The horse.  While not necessarily a bad type, the horse can be fickle and/or ordinary.  He is inconsistent with his affections and while the relationship with a horse can be good, it's never really great.  You can sincerely love a horse, but you usually find that something is missing.  You then have to choose whether you want to tough it out or keep looking.

The donkey.

The donkey.  Usually very cute, usually also an ass.  (Har-dee-har-har!)  We'll toss the liars, cheaters, and all-around bad guys in this group (and I truthfully hate to do that to the cute picture of the donkey above).  But that's how they get you - you hate to hate them.  They treat you rotten, and you love them anyways.  Luckily for me, I got out of my donkey-dating stage years ago and never looked back.

So, I was bombarded by real life examples that made me feel like maybe unicorns didn't exist after all.  As I grew ever older, I was even told that by cynical women who'd been done wrong.  "Get your head out of the clouds, girl," they said.  "If you want to be happy in life, adjust your expectations because unicorns don't exist.  Those Disney fairy tales really do a disservice to girls because it skews their expectations to something unattainable.  Go find yourself a good horse and learn to be satisfied with that."

That was discouraging. 

Then, you'd meet someone who had a fantastic relationship that had, say, sustained 20+ years.  They'd tell you stories about the sweet things their unicorn had done for them, and why they were so lucky to have one.  They'd tell you to hold out until you found a unicorn - you know, that special someone that treats you the way you truly deserve.  Mind you, they couldn't point out any unicorns for you, but they told you to keep a look out.

That was frustrating.

So, to recap:  You believe in unicorns even though you've never seen one.  Then, you realize you're only dating horses and donkeys.  Then, you're told to settle for a good horse.  Then, you see someone who has a unicorn (you get insanely jealous), and you're told to wait for the unicorn.  (And people wonder why dating is so difficult and confusing).

Then, a relationship with what you thought was a good horse ends, and you're moseying along throughout the fields they call life for awhile.  A few months go by, and you get set up on a blind date way out in the field.  You show up, see this date and BAM! 

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Umm, what the heck is that horse doing
with a horn on its forehead?!?!?!?!

You can't quite believe it, so you inch over very cautiously to take a closer look.  You decide that it does, in fact, look like a unicorn.  But, you're skeptical because let's face it -  you've never seen an available unicorn in your life!  It couldn't be true.

So you try your best to listen to what this "horse-in-unicorn's-clothing" has to say.  You go on more dates with him.  You still don't let your guard down because of all the failed horse and donkey relationships before. This cycle continues, and while he could have cut and run because you were so hesitant that you seemed like a lost cause, he doesn't.  Instead, he continues to show you that he is a unicorn.  He continues to treat you like a piece of treasure that he wants to keep and protect.

At this point, you have two options.  The first is to either deliberately or subconsciously be destructive to this new and wonderful situation you're in because you're too afraid of letting something good happen to you.  The second is to just accept that you've found a unicorn, throw a lasso around him, and put him in your yard so some other girl doesn't get him! 

Guess which option I chose.
Ribs